Where do homeless accountants live?
In a tax shelter
What do you call an accountant with an opinion?
An accountant is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don’t understand.
What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
The accountant knows he's boring
What's an accountant's favourite book?
50 Shades of Grey
Did you hear about the cannibal CPA?
She charges an arm and a leg
The Cubs should move to the Philippines and change their name to the Manila Folders.
Why are Cub pitchers like orphans?
Because they don't know where home is.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me 104 times, I must be a Cub fan.
The Cubs were taking batting practice and the pitching machine threw a no-hitter.